Assisting is Hard.

No really, assisting in class is hard. Like really hard. Actually probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. Harder than half marathons and graduate school and ending relationships. Hard.

Why is it so hard?

Partially it is so hard because I don't want to hurt anyone. I've been corrected by a teacher and had it create a larger injury. Not fun. It's also hard because I'm not the teacher, I am just the assistant.

The assistant.

You'd think I'd be used to that by now considering the various jobs I've had assisting in the past 6 years. What is really weird though is that I feel like yoga is something I don't know a lot about. Even though I've been practicing for 5+ years and went through the 220 hour training and all of that I am constantly surrounded by people who are more experienced and who know way more than I do. The teacher I am assisting is really knowledgeable and committed to her practice. While I have no desire to be her, I realize that in a lot of ways we are pretty different in style. This is something I didn't realize coming into a general hatha training instead of doing a training in bikrim or another practice I'm more familiar with.

So it's a struggle. I have 11 more weeks left of assisting and I'm sure I'll find my place in class. It's just weird that something that I would consider so simple has become something that is so incredibly challenging for me, and it's all in my head. I'm going to have to break the funk before I find my groove in this.